EQ

I’ve spent most of my adult lifetime trying to understand my personality, believing that the more I knew myself, the more I could control the challenging parts of myself. It was like my personality was a prison I needed to project and protect. I learned that I was a 3 with a 4 wing on the Enneagram, an ENFP on Myers-Briggs, an I on the DISC assessment, and on and on. These insights were helpful cerebrally, but it felt like something was missing.

Let’s play a little quiz this morning. If you had to imagine eight character qualities most associated with those who have greater longevity, what would they be? Being easy-going, empathetic, intelligent?

Do you want to be happy or successful or both? You hear this question at personal growth retreat centers or with coaches and their clients. It turns out this question doesn’t factor in research by two social scientists who’ve shown that the ultimate aspiration should be a “psychologically rich life.” Shigehro Oishi and Erin Westgate define this as “a life characterized by a variety of interesting and perspective-changing experiences.”

Likes attract likes. And, perversely, dislikes attract dislikes. Show up with vulnerability, positivity, or generosity, and you’ll get the same in return. We are all apes in human clothing. We mimic. Monkey see, monkey do.

Here’s an alternative inquiry to the tired New Year’s Resolution habit. Find one photo from each decade of your life and write about who you see in that photo and how it ties together with the human you’ve become. Think of it as a pictorial assembly line of the raw material that has made you who you are. Sounds tough? Let me be the guinea pig.

“There are 4 sentences that lead to wisdom: “I don't know..” “I need help.” “I'm sorry..” “I was wrong.” - Louise Penny

A man for whom I have a great deal of respect offered me a simple comment in passing at an MEA event. He said, “I’ve found it helps a lot when I take full responsibility… for everything,” placing a strong emphasis on “everything.”

Chip recently asked in a blog, "How do you ask for help when you're embarrassed to do so?" It's been a week of reflection for me. For I too used to resist asking for help. That was my identity. I built a remarkable career with that trait. I was the "essential one" – key to winning the biggest-of-big pitches, a magnet for press interviews, the one who C-suite clients were drawn to.

“The planet does not need more successful people, but it does desperately need more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers, and lovers of every kind.” - David Orr

Here are the top 10 careers that 10-year-olds want to be when they grow up (ranked in order): doctor, teacher, athlete, firefighter, police officer, astronaut, veterinarian, actor/actress, scientist, and chef.